are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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