he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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