well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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