11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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