i was rollin on her like bob the builder
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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