please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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