Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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