you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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