Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
