you guys were way drunker than both of me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
