Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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