I hope mine doesn't look like that
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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