I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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