She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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