I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have post one night stand depression
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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