I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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