as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize