third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize