Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize