Where is the hickey?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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