i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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