Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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