Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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