Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize