Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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