jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize