So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize