yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize