Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have demons in me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
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i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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