i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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