Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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