my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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