I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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