Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize