Pants 0. Shit 1.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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