I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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