he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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