Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize