it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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