I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
