I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
