totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have aggressive nipples.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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