now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize