i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize