I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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