There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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