You just made me feel so damn special
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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