I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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