whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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