she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize