home. puking in laundry basket.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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