you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
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I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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