He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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