I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize